Manual Seduced by Success: 8 Critical Thinking Errors That Cause Smart People To Do Dumb Things

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The slippery slope of poor ethical standards in the workplace rarely starts with a giant leap over the edge. Then we slowly started to shape or reshape our character, and the poor decision making became an everyday pattern of unethical behavior at work or elsewhere. During the course of your loss prevention career , have you ever made a decision you wish you could take back? We all have, and no doubt it stemmed from a seemingly unimportant decision. Have you ever mentored someone who was heading for a major train wreck in life and quit listening to you?

Do you have people in your life who love you, know you, and can assist in guiding you in the proper direction? Share your thoughts and ideas with these mentors and listen carefully to the feedback. How many of us drive the speed limit on the freeway? It is the state and federal law, but do we comply? Only when law enforcement is in the area. Can that same parallel be drawn in the business world?

In loss prevention, we see and hear it on a regular basis. When do we start? Usually very young. The classic example in business is anyone who is responsible for filing an expense report. I can stop anytime. As is often experienced as part of our loss prevention investigations, every backslide down the slippery slope is greased with rationalization. Some of the most common rationalizations we hear in loss prevention would include:. And on and on. By rationalizing our behavior, we compound a small situation into something larger, requiring us to take more drastic steps.

Perhaps you no longer consider the consequences of your decisions against the best interest of your loved ones. In my case, a long-time friend approached me about the possibility of working as a broker for an entire state. She had just been appointed as the person who would decide whom would be investing the funds for the state and where. A powerful position she was not qualified for. But as you climb your corporate ladder of success in loss prevention, make sure your ladder leans against the right building.

Mine leaned against a dollar bill with no solid foundation. One thing led to another, I started making huge money, and she wanted some of it. My rationalizations intact, I began giving her money to keep her happy and sending me business. After all, I earned it and was entitled to share it with whomever I saw fit, right? Eighty percent of fraud is caught by something the perpetrator did not anticipate. In my case, eventual suspicions began on how a government employee my friend could lead such an opulent lifestyle on a modest income. Investigations began, accusations made, I could see the writing on the wall.

Instead of looking through the same ethical goggles at every dilemma, maybe we pick and choose our spots, evaluating the dilemma first and then deciding which set of ethics we are going to apply. Ethical decisions are easy until they cost you something. Most of us speed on the freeway, yet I doubt if any of us speed through a school zone with children present.

Both are state and federal laws, yet we will comply wholeheartedly with one and not the other. I considered myself an ethical guy and had this huge disconnect that this chain of events was happening to me, of all people. What is victimitis? Have you ever known anyone who had a long list of people or things they blamed every malady in their life on? What are they victims of? Someone told on them. Instead of facing potential federal felony charges, I moved my family out of the country to Costa Rica.

From there, I knew I could figure out how to get out of this mess super optimism. Charges were eventually filed and warrants issued. Law enforcement began chasing me across Central America. After a couple years of insanity, my family moved back to the States. After four years of running, I surrendered in Costa Rica and was thrown in prison there. Prison is many things, but it all boils down to one concept—missed opportunities. As an inmate, you are removed from society socially, professionally, and personally. Prison visitation is probably the most depressing place in America. All these kids want their daddies to go home with them.

When they return home from a visit, they face the harshest peer group in America: their friends. I served my time as best I could, actually finishing my college degree through the mail. I got my college degree and divorced within a week in On March 21, , I was released from prison and sent to a halfway house in Arizona to begin my supervised release period. I was allowed to move in with my parents in the Phoenix area under home confinement shortly after arriving in Arizona.

Thankfully my parents were supportive, which went a long way in my reorientation to society. I got a job driving a delivery truck for a firm based at the Phoenix Airport. I loved that job. To satisfy my community service, I started giving talks. This led me to realize my true passion in life, sharing what I had learned in my life with others.

I gave hundreds of talks to any group that would listen, honing my professional development skills, and building a reputation as a speaker. As my audiences continued to expand into different areas of life and professions, it once again became clear that even though so many of us are in diverse fields, the same common thinking errors continue to appear.

He would also keep a list of everything I said he did not like; he would go to this list when there was a disagreement. I have a rare complicated disease with no cure; this doctor kept telling me, had another disease. I was seeing a specialist every time I stated no I do not have that disease he got upset with me. He would not speak with my specialist. From the day, I stepped in the door he was attempting to take me off my medication without stating what he was going to replace treatment.

One of my last visits he yelled at me stating I demean him. I was an angry, a bad broken person who was not fixable. Hospitalized was I for suicidal thoughts days later, at the time I believed him. My last visit he told me he was going to treat me for a certain amount of weeks, what his rules were I could take it or leave it. He never once mentioned my admittance to the hospital. At that point, I asked myself why I am sitting here taking this and letting him talk to me in this manner.

Therefore, focus was I on keeping a permanent therapist; working on our differences, I ignored bad behavior. I should have replaced him the day he yelled at me. I am glad I am able to tell someone my story; do not stay with a therapist that behaves badly. Incognita, I am sorry you had to go through this. This is awful behavior! You were innocent and blamed apparently for problems of others. It is injust. I found David Bedrick that speaks about the victimization and blaming. Perhaps it helps. It feels like you made a really hard, but GOODcall. I am a little confused on my therapist and I know she has anxiety issues and works part time because of it.

My insurance recently changed, and as a consequence my therapist was no longer able to come to my home. Keep in mind I had been seeing him every two weeks for roughly 2 years. My very first visit with the new counselor was disturbing to say the least. He asked me to tell him about myself, my past experiences that come to mind, why I have services, etc.

Fast forward into the session and we are talking about my very first experience losing someone very close to me—my grandmother. It was getting a bit too serious and emotional for me considering it was our first session. God I wish I had my old therapist back! Not dependent either. Ok, maybe. Hi Sam, Looks like you have some choices here. Or you could start by returning one more time to this current therapist and talking about your concern with his approach. It was very painful for me to be asked to fill you in on so much of my history in that setting.

If I ask my previous therapist to fax you my records, would you be willing to read them before our next visit? Then see what he says. You end up thinking that after 6 months, a year, two years even that they really hardly know you at all…. Hi Jeremy. I am sorry for this terrific experience with doctors. Thank you for sharing. It has been a while you wrote this comment.

I hope you are doing well. I have been all my life in a similar position. Since my childhood, I had been abused operation removal of throat tonsils without anesthesia performed on me at the age of 5, emotionally abusive GP…a general neglect, ignorance to let to oversee and downplay my health problems until it got too late. It developped into PTSD. I have not been searching on it yet, it is too much for me. I also was 2x abused by therapist I come from abusive family….

Physicians and therapist have made a person with disablement of mine. On the top, I have no financial support from the system. I have many reasons why to hate them. I have many questions why I have been abused repeatedly, instead of being helped as they claim they are: helpers. I had also pissed of some coaches. They ostracized me the moment I talked about my abuse in health care. The group on facebook of the close flying monkeys joined. It was tough…after some time being there with them and receiving some kind of support.

As you, I kept bringing that up to the therapist and how doctors do not care about me. It might set them on. I had not experienced anybody who would tell: you had been abused. I am so sorry. They were not good doctors. There might be reasons why I run into these not so good doctors and therapists. The abuse for very bad …what happened to me. Instead of that I receive this reaction: They shame back. They gaslight back. The abuse in health care does exist. They tell me that I play the victim card. Nobody is good enough for me……. This is what I see it might be happening for you: It is not your fault.

You are just saying what happened to you. They get after you instead of helping. It is as one is being physically or sexually abused, tell it at police or to the doctor and these supportes will blame, shame, yell at me and physically and sexually abuse on the top. The motto: I will show you the abuse!!! I guess that these doctors are really not very good. How to get out? I have no answer. I educate myself on auyrvedic medicine, I want my body to survive. My goal is to find good doctors. However, without me being healed from the wounds of the abuse at home, from the doctors, it will be tough.

I might keep meeting abusers. It is depressing cycle. Thus, I do educate myself on therapy. On abuse in therapy and general. On gaslight in therapy. I cannot get anybody to help me. As you say. I try to console myself that I have to be the healer…and all the suffering done to me in the health care has a meaning. A blessing in disguise. Otherwise, I would have checked out from this world already. I guess that the trauma deep down is big: I learn about the Internal Family Systems …to understand how severe traumatisation can cause a physical sickness.

Trauma that has not been helped is actually PTSD. Not getting any help. They have not gone through severe trauma. They got help. They call others victims, playing on the victim card…because they had not healed their own issue well. It must point directly towards them and their blind spots.

I also try to understand that healers for big things traumas, sickness are rare. Doctors who stand out the fact that some of their fellows do abuse even if not intentionally. I would take only these kind of healers. Healers of the healers. Hard to find them. It might be the opposite: they cannot help me. They are not qualified, not experienced, they had not worked on their wounds and, they might not be talented.

To be a doctor, therapist, one needs talent. It is not a job for everybody. Take good care of your body. Auyrvedic life style is what is helping me.

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Doing yoga. There are also recommendation for people with diabetes…. As well many trauma-life style helps me yoga again, good eating, calming myself, practice self-compassion and joy. I had a counselor who was a bully. No one was safe in her group, least of all, me. She hated me because I am smart. I think she felt threatened. She was a threat to me because she wrote the reports.

I mentioned that I use aswaghanda to help me relax, and she wrote in her notes that I was using substances. When I left a bad review in Yelp I had my comment removed. This woman was nuts, way more than myself. I was suicidal after only one session. All your life here? From being abused at home to school to your late stage cancer. Had my 3rd visit with a therapist today. He was all over the place, talking about the bible and drinking. All because I said I had two glasses of wine rather than 1. Then he started talking about religions not allowing you to dance, and went into how he is not going to have sex on the floor with his wife if he dances with her.

Then he starts talking about sex and the bible not saying it was all about procreation. Then his wife texted him. He went on about her having migraines and throwing up, bp was high, and she was going to the PCP. I asked him if he needed to leave. This is my 3rd visit, and I am going for stress management. Not sure if I need to find another counselor. Perhaps he was just having a bad day. He was not prepared.

Talking about my family and stress, I redirected him to my work issues and the stress associated with it, he went on about the bible, then about a patient that gave him a bad survey when I mentioned surveys, then the text, then ended the session a few minutes early. Ran out to his car and drove out of the parking lot, staring at me as he was driving away. Am I overreacting?

Should I find another counselor? Give him one more week? Please advise. It is a great list, I agree. And, I think it is useful for both client and therapist. Sometimes as therapists we do need to be kept on our toes. I have had the same doc for 5 years, lately he has become judgmental and treats me like I am an inconvience. For example, he complains about his workoad. Should I feel guilty for being there? Now I feel like he hates me and is trying to get rid of me.

He sometimes makes judgmental comments to me, usually about something somebody has done to me. He refused to believe I am depressed and tries to put words in my mouth. I am confused and very angry. There are few shrinks in this town and little choice. All he does is give drugs and he gets mad at me when I show anger. Is it his workload or is it me?

I feel like writing a letter to him. He seems to take it personal that i am still depressed, even with meds. I feel that he has taken advantage of me. I have trouble standing up to people. Yes, get out immediately. Never put up with someone like this no excuses. He deserves it. My daughter goes to a therapist, and I am glad to see that this therapist seems to follow this list very well. Some of the items on the list I actually laughed at, such as answering the phone during a session.

But, I am sure that if it made the list, someone somewhere has done it. Many years ago that happened to me! It was my first session with a male therapist. I was there because I had severe backaches whenever I had to stand for a while—he did biofeedback. Many months of enduring this pain had me very depressed. After five minutes I was in pain. After 10 minutes it was becoming agony. But I was so cowed by the notion of therapy that I assumed this must be some sort of test… how much pain could I literally stand?

To distract myself I gazed at pictures on his wall. Dear me! One was a collage of him and several women and men skinny dipping! My blood chilled. Just then he put down the phone and I resumed my seat yes, I know—I should have fled. I answered his questions like a robot while my mind raced: This must be another test. I finally asked… about the sticky note.

By the end of the session, sitting had reduced my pain. I left and never returned. Yes my therapist has answered her phone every section we had and I have only had 3. I am done. Rob: Yea, the phone. I just tried my first therapist for 3 appts. Then today I woke up to increased anxiety because I had an appt. When I called to cancel, it was all about her not getting paid by insurance because I called too late. I was looking for talk therapy, questions and conversation.

She was too distracted and lost my insurance info. She should have had all that down. Thanks for being a place to vent. Yes, I had a psychologist who not only answered his phone during sessions but would also yawn and constantly check his watch. I am yet to find a decent therapist, they all seem to have their own unresolved stuff and are the blind leading the blind or just abusers in disguise. Otherwise all other therapists you put yourself at risk for further mental abuse.

Tread with care when choosing people who get paid to mess with your mind. You may end up worse than you were. A therapist who sees a remarried couple when one of the partners was in counseling with the same therapist with their former spouse. Should a good therapist in the beginning stages of the therapy request a historical summary of the client in order to provide good counseling? I have a friend in counseling and the therapist did not ask for historical family information.

This friend comes from alcoholic family….. Should we be concerned? I also wanted to say that I suffer from moderate sleep apnea and the therapist does not understand how years of not sleeping right has caused me tons of anxiety, depression, and an irritable mood. I think this also made her feel like I was not taking therapy seriously. She said that my so called lack of sleep was an eccuse as well. I also go between bouts of insomnia and sleeping for hours at a time. Even up to 18 hours. That is when the lack of REM sleep catches up to me and I just pass out.

Other times I am so exausted, it feels like I am going to pass out on the floor, then I go to bed and lay there for hours unable to sleep. Not getting sleep has ruined my whole life, both personally and professionally. I hope it can fix my anxiety and depression. Hi Jeremy, It sounds like you have a lot of medical problems, that may be impacting your mental health. I understand — I have medical issues myself. Have you considered a Functional Medicine doctor? This is someone who would look at you as a whole person, rather than coming from an angle of one specialty.

If you could find someone you clicked with, perhaps it would really work out for you. Another thought is a Naturopath; I met with four or five before I settled on one. My naturopath and I discuss all kinds of positive life changes. I also have a primary MD. I hope you find a good fit with your medical care. But there are good people out there, too. Best of luck. I have strong feelings about this. I saw 10 therapists desperately searching for someone who could help me. Gestalt, Rogerian , and other styles think they are so brilliant that they can figure you out without taking a history.

All my issues were in my history, and they were only speculating about how to help me. As far as I am concerned, if a therapist does not take a detailed history and THINK about it, they are commiting fraud. A healthy therapeutic relationship between both the therapist and the client solidifies the foundation for wellness for the client. For example, if an individual was emotionally, mentally, and physically abandoned by their parents, this could have an influence on their ability to formulate relationships with others.

Not necessarily. Actually there is no research evidence to suggest this is important, although it is common and the norm in therapy practice. Many excellent therapists will skip this information in order to use the time to simply get started solving problems. Often problems can be solved without the history. It is important to track if therapy is helping and if the client feels understood.

If either of these things is not happening by the third session, research indicates a good outcome of therapy is considerably less likely. The therapist should be able to adjust. I saw 10 therapists over a course of 20 years. Every other therapist was about thinking, feeling, but no interest in what was really going on.

Ignoring the family is like going to a doctor who just looks at surface symptoms and starts prescribing, without taking a history. All my issues were in my history. By not asking about them, the therapist can only make an uneducated speculation. I agree with you, Marvin. It just makes sense that they would have a general overview in order to get a snapshot of who you are. I think the governing associations Psychological, Psychiatric should devise a simple survey, a cheat sheet of sorts, to fill out and give to prospective therapists.

If a person is from an alcoholic family and the therapist does not know addictions, I suggest they refer to a qualified clinician! That brings a host of other issues that must not be over looked!!!! I would be wary of a therapist who is limited to one type of theraputic approach. Or Transactional Analysis, or Cognitive-Behavioral, or what have you. Not to sound condescending, but some therapists are overdependent on specific methods to compensate for their lack of skill in other methods, and end up steering the therapy to fit their method, instead of vice-versa.

And I agree that some of them are indeed weird. I will describe my now former therapist and you can judge as you see fit:. She walked around her office without any shoes on 2. She took at least a couple of telephone calls during sessions 3. She habitually ran late min. She made a critical remark about Christian pastors 5. When I enthusiastically inquired about a book in her waiting room, she became somewhat sour, saying that some of the stuff in the book was useless, thereby discouraging me with her attitude 6.

When she misunderstood me one day, and I called to clarify her feedback, she became somewhat irritated, emphasizing over and over that my concern was a concern for a therapy session, despite earlier encouraging me to bring any concerns to her. I was forced to wait two more weeks as a result. When I attended the next session, she gave no indication of our earlier conflict.

I became very angry because I felt she was being negative and undermining my efforts, and when I attempted to communicate this to her, she blamed all of my disenchantment on me, and flat out refused to offer any alternatives to medicine. As a result of this experience, I will probably add a few red flags of my own. I kind of felt aimless, though I sure had plenty to talk about.

Instead of dealing with the immediate situation, my therapist launched into a family systems explanation for my travails. Instead of thinking outside the box or suggesting that I see someone else , she kept interpreting my life events thru this narrow prism. Because I was emotionally vulnerable at the time, my own outlook became myopic. I suffered immensely for this. It still is an issue between my husband and myself. I really believe that there was something between them. He changed after starting therapy with her. He refused to stop seeing her.

I want my case notes from her and I have written 2 times a letter requesting them and nothing. I need some advice. Client Access Counselors provide reasonable access to records and copies of records when requested by competent clients. Counselors limit the access of clients to their records, or portions of their records, only when there is compelling evidence that such access would cause harm to the client. Counselors document the request of clients and the rationale for withholding some or all of the records in the files of clients.

In situations involving multiple clients, counselors provide individual clients with only those parts of records that relate directly to them and do not include confidential information related to any other client. You have a right to your record if access does not inherently cause undue harm. I disclose to clients during the intake session that my file is their file. If the therapist is ethically able to withhold the file from you for the reasons given, documentation is needed to show reasoning.

Hope this helps! The counselor through this teenage boy employed his mother to clean his offices and talk about whether or not it has been done during his sessions. The Counselor texts about appointment times as late as 10pm and on weekends really odd?? The Counselor had the boy help him fix his car. The nephew is now in our care and just turned He has behavioral issues that are being treated with medication and we entered him into baseball because we felt that would help him. So much that he asked if he could go from seeing his counselor from every week to once a month at least through baseball season.

I spoke to his mom and she said it was fine for now. When talking to the counselor he made a huge deal about it. Saying there was no way he was ready for anything like that and that he needs to talk to someone every week. He also talks to a lady from county mental health department. According to the boy the lady from county mental health talks to him about way more issues than the counselor does. The Counselor then contacted the mom and pushed to where the boy has to go and see him every 2 weeks. According to the boy all the Counselor asks him is how school is and then tosses a ball back and forth.

Now to the nitty gritty of the matter. This boy has been emotionally and physically abused by all the members of the house hold Mom, step-dad, older brother and sister. The Step-dad emotionally and physically abuses everyone in the household. The boy was removed and brought into our care. According to his mother DFS has stated that if the step-dad completes anger management and AA then the boy will be allowed to return home. So, the abused and the abuser would be seeing the same counselor. Is this a conflict of interest? When I was the child in this situation, none of us were allowed to see the same counselor.

No matter what they will be talk about each other. The counselor is not going to completely forget their sessions and may draw upon what is said from one session to the next. I am also in fear that because of his very unprofessional actions and the relationship he developed with the mother that things are going to be simply swept under the rug. I do not want him to go back home to the same situation or to a worse one. I feel things could possibly get worse, if the parents feel that they can get by with things due to improper investigations and counseling. There is nothing really to stop a counselor from signing off on paper work that they completed a program or has done well.

The boy likes living here and does better here but wants to be with his mother.

Jeanette Mary Magdalene (Author of Seduced By Success)

She in fact left her children at her parents home to meet a man in Illinois and did not tell any one of her plans. He was very very young at the time. I would say he was not even one or close to one. She did not return to get him until he was 4 almost 5. Then a year after that she came back for the rest of her children. What do you all think about this?

When I expressed my concerns about the step-dad using the same counselor, she yelled at me stating it was none of my concern. However, while in my care the safety and well being of the child is my concern. The state should have done more in my opinion. When I tried to call back for my records the joint called the police on me and then the frightening rude intrusive provocative questions…and this was four days after I was sprung from this horrid illegal imprisonment!!

This attempted police bust was a possible outcome. Nice therapy I must say. And the records never did come. I am thinking at this point a certified letter with copies to the licensing board? She left me flat with no referals nothing. I am very sorry to hear of your experience of therapeutic abandonment, considered to be one of the most egregious problems in field of psychotherapy.


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I hope you will not be too discouraged by this experience which is unusual and fairly rare I would say and that you will find another therapist very soon. I think if you the therapist cares about you, tells you he or she can help you, and you see yourself making some progress, then keep going back. The answering phones during session, this happens with my therapist.


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On the other hand, when I have a problem and need guidance, he answers the phone almost 24 hours a day. Or go visit other therapists as well and look for a good fit. Ask around for referrals and ask what the therapist will be able to do for you or what positive outcomes you can hope to achieve in counseling. Then stick it out. I have to disagree. You t should never talk on the phone, keep looking at her cell or have any other distractions when they are speaking with you.

That is time that you had often pay dearly for. Any therapist who answers a phone in session is just downright rude!! End of story, no exceptions. There is simply no excuse to put your phone ahead of the distressed person in front of you. I have never even seen her with a phone in her hand. I have another perspective about answering the telephone during sessions.

The impact on my session was devastating. The phone rang excessively right in the middle of my discussing how difficult the therapy was for me. He did not take it, but when I asked what would happen if he did need to take it, he replied that I would need to step out of the room. I immediately imagined that if he asked me to step out, I would walk out and never return. All I can say is that I cannot imagine being in the middle of a really difficult moment, even more than I already was and having the phone ring and ring.

As a therapist, I am always apologetic and quick to act when I accidentally leave the ringer or my voice mail on and there is a disruption in a therapy session. Sometimes intrusions are unavoidable, they happen. But how can one ever really relax into a session, knowing that the therapist is allowing the intrusion? I will discuss this further with this therapist, but am losing hope about a positive outcome. Your analyst sounds like a narcissistic and rather incompetent person. Please consider expressing your emotions to him and then finding another therapist. Thanks for this excellent list!

We post our client rights document and privacy statements in the waiting room and keep copies there for clients. In addition, all of our clients receive, read, and then sign and informed consent document, a copy of which is also in our waiting room and on our website. My Therpist still will not give me my file or any pictures ect. She did everything wrong when she terminated our sessions and she knows it. I have never felt so bad she left me now with bigger issues. I feel ashamed that I ever went to her and confided in her regarding my abuse, I feel like she was the bigger abuser and to start all over will kill me to much stuff.

If the you were seen with a partner, then the therapist would need consent from all involved, or their guardians. If the file only concerns you, then under HIPPA regs you are entitled to view the file and make or have made copies at reasonable cost. If there is a lawsuit pending, that may complicate matters. Hi Violet, I really appreciated your comment about therapists who cry. For example, you may have also felt like she pitied you.

Whatever the case, I believe that your therapist was pushing your button by crying, but that it is your button. My hunch is that this could be a wonderful opportunity for you to explore your feelings about being vulnerable. So I highly encourage you to talk with you therapist about how you are triggered by this, rather than stop therapy.

Finding a therapist who is less triggering could be less productive for your therapy and there may be many gifts and treasures to discover by exploring this. I will add that the sharing of emotion technically called intersubjectivity can have a very positive and healing effect for persons, especially those who have experienced trauma and who may feel alone, uniquely violated, and defective because of the abuse.

Sharing affect with a client can make the emotions less disturbing and help the person feel understood on a very deep level. My therapist is a lovely woman except she has on numerous occasions started to cry during my sessions not sobbing! She is very professional in every other sense although this to me is inappropriate and very unprofessional obviously leaving me feeling very uncomfortable!

Would be interested to know if this has happened to anyone else? I have stopped my therapy with her, it got too much. Empathy notwithstanding, it does reek of unprofessionalism however unintended. I would forgo the psychobabble that casts doubt on your perceptions and preferences, and find someone else. She learned she was pregnant by the 2nd visit we had and from that point on I became the listener during our sessions. I was not trying to surprise or hurt her feelings, but she was aghast in surprise.

It was a much better experience with the therapist I got 6 yrs. I would return to her, but to be an informed therapy consumer takes alot of work. Are professional geriatric care managers a trustable resource to help one select therapy providers? I have concerns about conflicts they may have much like the drug trial researchers who also maintain private practice. I still have insurance, but co-pays are considerably higher now.

Cost-effectiveness is key for me. A decent source of referral is your PMD primary care physician. You could also consider asking trusted friends. Please add to your list Therapist uses your insurance to committ fraud then blames you for being impulsive and indirect when you turn him into the insurance company…. I went to a therapist for almost 4 years. She helped me see that I needed to have my partner in therapy too.

Her whole program is based on finding your truth and being in truth so this was considered brave work. My husband did not want to go to this therapist because he felt she and her partner husband were cultish. They have a book and a forum. She warned me about other therapists, but I found some one for marriage counseling. Meanwhile I still saw my therapist. Our sessions ended up being a dissection of the marriage counseling. She finally announced to me that I needed to make a choice to really dig in or not become enlightened. She said her training made her especially capable of making these judgements.

This felt like control by threat. I finally did leave the original therapist, but I have struggled with the quitting and feeling like a coward ever since. Does this seem kosher? He has pressured my spouse to get me to also come for marriage counseling. I thought it was unethical to see a couple for marriage counseling and at the same time see one of them individually. My husband also had an emotional affair with an old high school flame, with whom he met secretly for lunch dates for two years behind my back.

Who is this guy advocating for, anyway?? My therapist obtained my consent to speak with his therapist, after which time he dropped the request for a therapy session that included the other woman. I think this guy is scary and that my spouse should find s different therapist. Should he find a different counselor based on these facts? While they intend to support your self-esteem, validate your experiences, and build your confidence; they can create an inhibition on your part to reveal less attractive thoughts or behaviors of yours, for fear of losing their positive regard towards you.

They may have removed themselves from the experience because the emotion was too painful. Depending on wether the client is ready to explore that emotion relating to their experience, they may move forward with the exploration, or away from the theraputic relationship. It seems to me that many children suffer a sort of dissociation from their feelings as a result of parental rejection, hostility, anger and displeasure; and try to defend and appease their parents by not showing an emotional response that would only further inflame their parents, or caregivers.

Therefor, the therapist in demonstrating the emotion, can help the client in articulating the problem.

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Young children can suffer much abuse before they become able to well represent what has happened to them in verbal form. Without being able to use language, there are very limited ways to record this, which tends to be the reason many people do not remember their early childhood. Even in early childhood, critical and abstract thinking are not available to record what has happened to one, and so the cause and effect of situations often can not be remembered by an individual in a way they can make use of.

Often only the emotion can be used to pull that experience out, in order to look at it, and deal with it, grow, and move on. I feel like I am having some issues with my therapist lately. I need a letter of clearance from her for a fertility clinic so that I can be artificially inseminated. She then feels like she needs to talk to me about my plans and offers me parenting advice which I never ask for. Very standard practice. You make a number of excellent points here.

I would like to just under score and amplify one, if I may. As is often the case with children, especially those who have experienced chronic early maltreatment within the caregiving relationship, adults may have difficulty knowing what they feel or experience. In many ways, this reflecting back of the emotion and experience is what occurs in a healthy parent-child relationship and is an essential part of the development of a healthy and secure pattern of attachment. The developing infant and child comes to know what the child feels by seeing it reflected in back from a responsive, sensitive, insightful caregiver.

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Hows about therepists who ignore the issues you want to talk about, and press on things you dont regard as important? I had a therapist who kept trying for things in my childhood or family,, and I had to fight to try to talk about what I wanted to talk about. This happens to me, too. Not in every session, but a lot. Once I wanted to say how I became angry at some man who stepped into the garden no fence against my will…. The therapist pushed to talk about another issue which he prepared, so I gave up. It was not that bad… I hoped I could raise it some other time. Many other sessions the therapist started to distract me from the topics I wanted to talk about -all those who were not related to my childhood, usually it ended up by a completely different issue that the therapist talked about his favorite -sexual experiences, even though I was not in relationship , it was as he wanted to push me into these topics despite my current energy and feelings were somewhere else.

At the end of those session I was confused. I could have not talked about what was happening to me. I tried to bring up my current issue again and again a fight with the therapist. The therapist said couple of phrases to my share and started another issue…often very mind-related and I gave up. I tried to follow the therapist- topics in my mind. I guess it means that I needed to process my emotional and body experience from the trauma and I was distracted from them into my mind, by also choosing another topic the one the therapist considered important.

I never asked directly :are you a PTSD specialist, do you have any experience? My life from birth through my mids was a mess of chronic horrifying stuff mixed in with jolts of new awful events. All anyone needs to do is to live in the present-day reality as best they can, without being distracted by flashbacks. I practiced Staying in the Present many thousands of times over several years, and got more and more and more relief as my reactions got quicker. As I said, just a thought.

I also have had a few unfortunate experiences with professionals who are supposed to help, and never hurt. My psychiatrist of 9 years terminated by sending me a form letter — she actually just put my name after the Dear… part. That was it. The damage she did — it was one of the hardest things for me to handle. I just can not understand why anyone, but especially a professional, would treat someone like that. Needless to say, I now have more trust issues than ever.

Does anyone know if this is something that could be reported? Dear Mara, In thinking about the termination through the letter, I have a couple of questions. One, had you been seeing this psychiatrist regularly? Two, has there been a long time since your last appt. Sometimes a clinician cannot have a patient on their caseload who is not keeping appts. It actually becomes a liability for them. They have no choice but to terminate after several attempts to schedule or contact you. If she is leaving her practice entirely, a letter may the way she notifies a large case load. If you have been seeing this psychiatrist regularly, I would indeed imagine that you would feel hurt by this kind of notification.

This is worth discussing with her. She would need to know the impact of this letter on you. It is clear though that you do feel hurt by this, so I encourage you to contact the psychiatrist to express yourself. I have had a couple of practitioners who have eaten during a session. One ate a Whopper there was a Burger King next door , the other, an apple. I never said anything, but I was mildly irritated. I also had a therapist that would sit and wait for me to say something and get mad that I was not working at it.

As i worked with her futher she changed a lot she was not warm and fuzzy any longer but hard and mean. When she did dump me she said she no longer looked forward for me coming to see her, and i became harder to work with….. When I did discuss this with her she told me I have a personality disorder were did that come from? I am sorry that you had such a terrible experience in therapy. I am a LMHC who has been working with survivors of sexual abuse for years. Not once have I made a client feel so uncomfortable. Most of my clients have told me several times how grateful they are and how much therapy has helped them.

Please do not give up on treatment. It really does work once you find someone you can connect with. Best wishes! These have been excellent issues and a very good discussion. As moderator of this blog thread, I decided to post the above comment by Trace because her second paragraph is quite supportive and valid. I removed it. Also, be aware there are some Social Workers who have Drs in other fields. LCSWs can have just as much or more post graduate training in psychotherapy as any psychologist.

Also, the idea that social workers do not adhere as strictly to their ethical guidelines as psychologists do to theirs is false and terribly misleading. In fact, the ethical guidelines for Social Workers are highly respected in the field of mental health as an enormous effort to prevent harm. I am surprised the comment was removed; it does not sound slanderous at all.

What you said about social workers adhering to their ethical standards as much as psychologists do is of course absolutely true.

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Ethics standards for Psychologists are simply much stricter in many areas; they are known to have the tightest ethical standards in the U. I am also surprised to hear you say that some social workers can have as much psychotherapy training as any psychologist. All psychologists have a minimum of years of graduate training after college, and most get additional training and practice beyond that before getting licensed.

You are welcome to correct me, however, if I am wrong…. A therapist should be considerate and able to adapt or find a kind way to explain why it is important they do what they do. If it still does not feel right for you, report them to their licensing board! All licensed therapists must make this information available to you upon request. In any event, the administrator is correct. If one goes to the website for the National Association of Social Workers and reads the code of ethics it is every bit a stringent, specific, and highly ethical as that of those who belong to the medical professional and psychology profession.

Those with a MSW must do an internship that accounts for about half of the required 60 credits. A MA in psychology, for example, only requires 30 or so credits and no internship. To be licensed LCSW, for example usually requires passing a National test, presenting verification of a certain number of years experience varies by state and letters from supervisors.

Good Psy. Sure admin, chiming in here about the LCSW vs. The research is very clear neither discipline is better than the other in terms of therapeutic effectiveness and this finding is across disorders. Years of experience is also not at all correlated with effectiveness. Thank you for the site and the interesting topic. First let me clarify. In the State of California there is a written and an oral exam. The oral exam is now a written series of Vignettes. This is by choice as I work for the federal government and could just take the national exam and leave it at that. It has taken me 6 years counting 4yrs undergrad to complete the degree alone.